Make it burn!

I just got back from the grocery store. Uneventful… that's what you're thinking. Let me back up…

My ever so handsome husband is on a diet. If you know Otey, you are thinking "on a diet? Why?" Well, I suppose he's decided he misses the days of size 30 jeans, and when he decides he's going to do something, he doesn't do it half way. He has been working out religiously (even on our beach vacation… I know… *finger down my throat gagging*) and he is on a very specific diet that tells you when to eat and what to eat. When we got back to town this evening I needed a few everyday normal grocery items, so I volunteered to pick up what he needed for his menu this week. Little did I know that this would entail a two page list printed out from Mens Health complete with little square check boxes. I must tell you right now that Otey offered to go and get everything since it was so much, but I insisted that I go.  I set out optimistically for the grocery store glad to escape the house, and have a few minutes to myself. I gathered my list, phone (in case of baby-breakdown at home) and Master Card and headed in to HyVee (that's the best grocery store EVER just in case you were wondering). I started down the first isle (vegetables/produce/bakery) pulled out Otey's list, and this is where it all got a little overwhelming. Specific numbers of fruits, certain kinds of lettuce, all grain pita bread, I kept having to circle back because there were so many things on the list, that I would accidentally skip by one. Still… I optimistically rolled on to isle number two, isle number three, stopped and asked the butcher for the two specific cuts of meat that were on the list. Now… where are the whole grain tortillas… not with the other tortillas… not with the health food… one can of stewed tomatoes… what IS a stewed tomato? Surely it's in the isle with all the canned vegetables… one can of black beans. Okay, here's the bean section… red beans, baked beans, white beans, pork and beans, beans and rice (call my Mom… "Is a black bean the same thing as a black eye pea?) AH-HA!  Last two cans, stick them in the cart. Okay, this isn't much fun anymore… wait, back to the frozen food section, I forgot the broccoli. Now on to foreign territory, THE HEALTH FOOD SECTION. Back and forth and up and down the isles in that tiny section for ten minutes and I FINALLY find the little energy bar that was on the list. I tried to call Otey in the middle of the energy bar search but he didn't answer (I'm sure he was saving Grady's life from his "loving" big brother) and so after I had located it and made my way back to the other end of the grocery store, he called and innocently said "Did you need something?" Me… "Nope, I couldn't find the energy bars but I located them." Him… "Good, can you please get a couple more flavors for me?" Me… "No problem." as I pant my fat hiney back to the other side of the grocery store (oh ya, make it burn) briskly walking past the skinny girl reading labels in the health food section *finger down my throat gagging*. Now, FINALLY I had EVERYTHING on the list. By this time, I was over the joy of a few minutes to myself as I realized that I had just spent more time in the grocery store then any other trip in the history of my grocery shopping years. NOW I know why this diet works so good… I must have walked two and a half miles just to locate everything on the dang grocery list! On to the check out counter… great…no line. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep about 100 more times. Your total is $200 and something (I think I blacked out for just a minute). I then recovered from hyperventilating and waded through the snow back to my car and loaded up a bunch of food that didn't sound very fun to eat. My husband is a stud. A stud for working out everyday, a stud for sticking to his diet, and MOST OF ALL, a stud for doing all his own grocery shopping last week!  I can tell you one thing, next week I'm wearing sweats and stretching before I head to HyVee.  I suppose it's like any other workout, next week will just get easier.  Happy Monday.

  • sharon turner - You have just jump started my day with a good laugh. The sad thing is–it is sooooo very true. I am attempting a better diet in the new year and I keep finding these recipes that call for stuff I have heard of but have never even thought of buying before–so I have to search, search, search only to spend a small fortune! If I see a blur go by me in the grocery store I will know that you have had to go outside of Ottumwa to find the exact diet food!


  • amy stamm - you CRACK me up—- that was FUNNY ! TFS!~! amy

  • Tanya Miller - Loved this post, especially the comment about finding out the total of your purchase. I always say it cost more to eat right. Couldn’t stop laughing, thanks for being a sunbeam today.

  • Erica - Oh Yea! I have to be at work in six minutes but when I had fourteen I ran in the house to check your blog. I needed to belly laugh before I start my long day! Thanks! I knew you’d come through!

  • aunt harriet/mom - I love you! You make me laugh and start my day out with happiness in my heart! So glad you are back to blogging!

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